On doing a drill I realized how many automaticities I had and how they cracked apart. Afterwards I feel like I had an empty mind — I started with a blank slate when learning the new definitions by drilling them in until I really understood them and could see that I really HAVE THEM now.
While learning longer definitions by heart, I realized I am able to learn English texts verbatim. I was really surprised that I could do that.
Drilling in these definitions until I really had them was like being a child, learning a language in real life, by repeating it over and over (only we do it in fast-forward-speed on the drills).
I had an amazing win. When doing the drill, I realized that it starts with learning the words, but then they become better understood, and then after going through the drill a few more times, suddenly I went totally blank and the helping-automaticity broke apart. I felt like I was saying the definitions for the first time. They also become shorter somehow, and suddenly were really mine. I could grasp them. I felt like I really understood them with a full conceptual understanding. I never had that before with the English language. English had always been simply a kind of a crutch I used to make myself understood or communicate with others, or to find something in an English book. But now I think that I will be able to really study materials in English with a better grasp and therefore really get it.
This was the reason why I avoided studying in English: I was afraid of not getting it. I guess I developed a new ability to study.
Thank you to the teachers who spend whole weekends — a lot of extra time — with us to get trained as instructors fast.